Seems like all I am able to write about lately is silly surface crap . Stupid diets and other such trivial nonsense. I started plenty of times to sit down and let the words sort of spill out, but I must be in self preservation mode. I am pretty sure I have thrown up a couple of blocks to not allow myself to go anywhere too deep. Its understandable. And oh so typically Carrie. I guess for me it is easier to block or bury the feelings then it is to actually deal with them. Sure the buried emotions are likely to surface later as an eating disorder or a chemical dependency, but why worry about later when I can be pain free and oblivious now?? (that was a joke. Please don’t send me any emails asking if I’m ok or anything)
All kidding aside, I don’t think I actually bury the feelings, at least not permanently. I just push them away for a while until they are no longer too uncomfortable to go near. I guess what I am saying is, I am letting the burnt pan cool down before I attempt to wash it.
How’s that for a fucking analogy?? Huh? That was some good shit there!
I will get to the burnt pan. I will. I will dissect the mess and eventually clean it up. The pan might not get totally clean. It might be scorched or scarred. But that will just add character and integrity to the pan. And for those who might be worried about me, either about my state of well being at the moment or about how I will come out on the other side of the fire. Please know this, I really do love that pan. Its my favorite as a matter of fact. And I will treat the pan well and do what I can to preserve it. I promise. But right now, that pan is just way too hot to touch. It kind of sucks to know that I started the fire that burned the pan. And it also sucks to know that the pan wasn’t all that got hurt. There were other casualties of this reckless arson. And I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do about that now.
Who knows what the future holds for me? Anything can happen.
Me and my pan are going to make it through just fine.
We always do.
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1 comment:
What a very clear way of describing things.
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