Friday, June 29, 2007

Only like, the best analogy - EVER!!!

Seems like all I am able to write about lately is silly surface crap . Stupid diets and other such trivial nonsense. I started plenty of times to sit down and let the words sort of spill out, but I must be in self preservation mode. I am pretty sure I have thrown up a couple of blocks to not allow myself to go anywhere too deep. Its understandable. And oh so typically Carrie. I guess for me it is easier to block or bury the feelings then it is to actually deal with them. Sure the buried emotions are likely to surface later as an eating disorder or a chemical dependency, but why worry about later when I can be pain free and oblivious now?? (that was a joke. Please don’t send me any emails asking if I’m ok or anything)

All kidding aside, I don’t think I actually bury the feelings, at least not permanently. I just push them away for a while until they are no longer too uncomfortable to go near. I guess what I am saying is, I am letting the burnt pan cool down before I attempt to wash it.
How’s that for a fucking analogy?? Huh? That was some good shit there!

I will get to the burnt pan. I will. I will dissect the mess and eventually clean it up. The pan might not get totally clean. It might be scorched or scarred. But that will just add character and integrity to the pan. And for those who might be worried about me, either about my state of well being at the moment or about how I will come out on the other side of the fire. Please know this, I really do love that pan. Its my favorite as a matter of fact. And I will treat the pan well and do what I can to preserve it. I promise. But right now, that pan is just way too hot to touch. It kind of sucks to know that I started the fire that burned the pan. And it also sucks to know that the pan wasn’t all that got hurt. There were other casualties of this reckless arson. And I’m afraid there isn’t anything I can do about that now.

Who knows what the future holds for me? Anything can happen.
Me and my pan are going to make it through just fine.
We always do.

Monday, June 18, 2007


OK so I only journaled the first three days of that stupid diet.

 I was super busy at work on day 4 and days 5 and 6 I wasn’t home.

Heres the wrap-up….. Didn’t really do much for me. I did lose 6 lbs but after two days of eating somewhat normally, I have gained two back. So I just lost a lot of water weight.  I did find out though that I feel pretty darn good when I give up the dairy. I think that might have to be a permanent change in the diet. I felt less bloated, less sluggish, and had way fewer tummy problems. So that’s a really good thing.  And I am extremely happy to report that I have been feeling wonderfully lately. I seem to have regained a fair bit of energy and enthusiasm. I cannot tell you the last time I took a nap. That is pretty frikkin huge for me. I used to be a daily napper. And on weekends, my naps would be 3 or 4 hours long. I had nothing on my plate all afternoon yesterday and the kids were with their dad and I didn’t even nap then. Amazing! I used to spend so much time feeling tired and crappy. And it seems that lately, that somehow just lifted. I don’t really understand, but I sure am psyched about it.


So that is all you have to hear from me on that stupid 6 day diet thing. Thank you for your patience, we will now return to regular programming.




Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Day Three:

I hopped on the scale today and I am down another lb. That makes 5. Not too shabby, but I know it aint fat I’m losing and I will probably gain it all back once I start eating normally again. So remind me again why it is I am doing this??


Ugh. Anyway, I was super busy at work today, but totally pre occupied with food. Someone brought cake into the conference room! I hate that person whoever they are! Oh how I wanted that cake! I am not doing very well with eating as much and as often as I should. That’s why I am pretty sure I am not losing any body fat. My clothes don’t fit any differently. But I am going to keep up with it. I have challenged myself to go the whole 6 days and I am going to do it.


Didn’t work out yesterday. Gonna really try to make up for that tonight.


I will check back in tomorrow.



Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Day two:

Whoa! I hopped on the scale this morning and I am down 4 lbs!!! I know it aint fat. I don’t think that’s possible. But I like to see the scale moving. I will be honest with you and say that I know exactly why I lost the LB’s. It seems that my body did not want to hold on to anything I ate or drank yesterday. I had to run to the bathroom for complete and urgent eliminations very frequently. (yuk, I know, sorry) I like to think that it is all my body fat liquefying and coming out my ass. If that’s the case, then I will gladly continue on. Much easier to get it out that way then to actually burn it off! OK that’s enough of that – that’s even too gross for me.


Day two is gonna be rough. I know it. I have no appetite whatsoever. The thought of food makes me ill. How the hell am I going to choke down six meals? I guess I should at least try. I spent all that time packaging them up for myself.


I will probably add more later. Right now, I’m gonna try to eat some hardboiled eggwhites with no salt…yum.



Monday, June 11, 2007

Day one:

Its 3 pm and I have already filled up my 20 oz water bottle 4 times. (that’s 80 oz for those of you who are mathematically impaired) I thought it would be harder to drink that much water, but its working out fine. The food is bland but tolerable. Its not a lot of food, I just don’t like having to eat so often. But day one is almost down, and I am hanging in there. Not too shabby.


Although I really do want to go home and re read the book to see if beer is allowed. I could really use a beer.


Oh well.


 I will update you on the status of my progress in the am.






Pardon my appearance...

I am currently under construction.


The content of this blog over the next few days will be a little different as I chronicle my newest undertaking. A bunch of women I know have done this 6 day diet thing and have seen amazing results – so, of course, being the fucking lemming that I am, I’m gonna do it too.


Here is the lowdown – you have to eat small portions of certain foods 6 times a day according you’re your body type which you determine by answering some questions in the book. (I am a Type B, by the way)  Small amounts of lean protein (chicken, turkey, egg whites, and fish) plus a cup of veggies or some amount of brown rice. That is pretty much it, but you gotta drink 100 oz of water and continue working out.


I think I can handle that. Shit, I’m pretty sure I can do anything for 6 days. And I need to do this, for several reasons:

1) I don’t eat enough. I know I don’t. I think my body is constantly in starvation mode because I have no regular eating schedule and most of the time I don’t eat any meal but lunch. NOT GOOD. I hope this will help to get me into a better routine and kick start my metabolism. 2) I cannot fit into ANY of my shorts from last year. Ugh. I have been doing really well with taking care of myself lately but I need to see better results because I can feel my motivation draining. 3) the big three-oh is next week. If I can do anything to feel even a tiny bit better about that – I am going to do it. I am not depressed about turning 30. But I am disappointed in myself because I thought for sure I would have more, be more, done more, by this time in my life. So at the very least, I wont be disappointed in myself because my pants aren’t fitting well.


If this works well, there is an expanded 6 week program I might try. Why the hell not?


But I do intend to journal the diet because I think it will help to keep me on track, I have never been very much of a regimented person. And I am going to journal it here because I aint about to go and create another blog just for this.


Sorry if I bore you to pieces over the next few days with this. But, you know, this is my blog. Get your own if you don’t like it.


I’m kidding! Don’t go away! Please. I think like 4 people actually read here. I value each and every one of you. I promise to try to inject as much wit and humor into my posts as possible to keep you entertained. OK?





Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Sheesh.....(alternately titled: Ramblings)

I have been at work for eight hours already (only two more to go!!) and I haven’t won a single game of solitaire yet. I think that means I should pack it up for the day. I am obviously not meant to be here.


I met a girl today. I think her name was Shannon, I will have to find out for sure. Anyway, she is going to be working in the plant my company is building. I got the best vibe from this girl, like, immediately. She reminded me so much of my friend Erin from back in CT. I miss her friendship so much, I think about her often. Anyway, I hope my first instinct about this girl is correct. I am going to chat with her a little tomorrow.

I like new people. And she’s got definite friend potential.


I am on day freakin thirty four of a cycle that is only 28 days in normal women. I am so damn sick and tired of dealing with this womanly crap. Right now, I feel so tired and fat and bloated and cranky. No fun. And I really want to feel better immediately because…..


I am going out with some peeps from work tonight. I am really looking forward to that. This whole reality of actually loving my job and wanting to hang out with the people I work with is so wonderfully foreign to me. I would duck into a different isle at Wal-Mart to avoid running into the people from my last job. I hated every one of those assholes. But this is way different. I really like everyone here and we usually have a great time when we get together after work. So I hope my crampy, bloated, yukkiness goes away soon so I can enjoy myself tonight.


I realized recently that I don’t have any plans. At all. For anything….. Summer plans, Birthday plans, vacation plans, life plans. Nada.

I need to make some plans. I feel loserish with no plans. That task seems a bit daunting, I mean, plans can be anything from going out for lunch to writing a novel. That’s a big ole blank canvas. I think I will start small, but think big. I like my plan to make plans. I’m feeling pretty good about it.



More later………