An open letter to the Universe:

Dear all-knowing, all-powerful formless substance,

As I hope you already know, I am working very hard at perfecting the art of positive thinking. I am meditating daily and making a conscious effort to emit only positive energy.

So far so good, Universe.
Thumbs up, really, I am all about the spiritual enlightenment.

But, here’s the deal, stupid people keep fucking up my chakra. How am I expected to find my way on the noble path when I keep having to hurdle dumbasses?
Come on, throw me a bone here woudja? I am trying really hard.

Ok, so honestly, how is this supposed to work? I’m supposed to love thy enemy and shit right? What if I said "I would LOVE for you to leave me the fuck alone."?
Does that count?
Or maybe… "I would LOVE it if you weren’t so damn stupid."??
Am I getting warmer?

I’ll bet people who live in those homemade 10’x14’ shacks out in the middle of the woods are super enlightened. They have nothing but the lack of amenities and furry woodland creatures to piss them off. Outside of the mail bomb thing Ted Kaczinski was probably close to shaman status, huh?

I read somewhere that gratitude was incredibly important to being at one with the Universe. (see! I’m reading and doing research! Give me a few spiritual brownie points for that) If my sideways approach to loving my enemy doesn’t work out for me, maybe gratitude will be the trick to my tolerance of them…..
I am eternally grateful for the stupidity of others as it makes me look that much smarter. I am so happy and grateful that every day my patience is growing as it is constantly being tested in some sort of maddening stupidity endurance trial.
How’s that work for ya? If I incorporate those words into my daily mantra, can you and me still be good? Please say yes, because I am beginning to see how old Teddy started thinking about wrapping up those special packages of his.

Your faithful student,
Carrie


Post blog note..... I certainly hope the universe has a sense of humor.